


Transmorphia

by wolfcigs



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!, 声優 | Seiyuu RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Shapeshifters, Angst, F/F, RPF, Shapeshifting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 22:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfcigs/pseuds/wolfcigs
Summary: there are flowers growing all arounda massive animal inside of meand it's so ugly and i'm so broken[an aqours AU in which everyone has both a human and animal form, and the different ways in which they handle it] [love live is nonexistent, aqours is a standalone idol group]





	Transmorphia

**Author's Note:**

> whew this is a loooong time coming. i've been working on this for months, and finally it has come to fruition.  
> check out my moment for this AU over on twitter, i've got lots of concept art over here: https://twitter.com/i/moments/1066587282273124352
> 
> i hope you enjoy this project as much as i do :) will post new chapters as they are finished, which is hopefully soon!  
> if youve got any questions about the universe its set in, please ask away!! i will do my best to answer~

The first time was excruciating. The first time, Inami Anju was 18 years old, and she thought to herself, _“Nobody told me it’d hurt this bad”_. And she wondered how she’d go about this on the regular for the rest of her life. She wondered how her parents, their parents, and the relatives before them could tolerate such pain.

But, maybe she was the outlier.

Maybe strength didn’t run in the family.

It began with an anger so hot and painful in her chest that she thought she might explode. It burned like fireworks in the pit of her stomach, and shot up her throat like acid.

First, she could feel it in her bones. she’d never imagined how it could feel; as if they were breaking and extending and fixing themselves all at once, ripping her skin apart at the seams with each _snap_. Her nose was breaking. Her shoulder blades were dislocating. Everything came apart and snapped back together like some grotesque machine inside her body

Second, she could feel it in her skin. A stinging sensation she could only imagine what brutal acupuncture might feel like, covering every inch of her flesh, stretching tight over her breaking bones. As her insides rearranged themselves, short, coarse, brown and orange fur forced itself out from beneath her skin, and she could feel each follicle as it grew.

She collapsed to her knees as her legs and arms made the final few jerks into place, and she panicked. No, no, no, no. Not like this, not now. From deep in her throat, she cried. She sobbed. Her chest vibrated with the force of her inhuman howls exploding from her lungs, animalistic in nature.

She hated it.

As her mind blurred, she could barely manage a singular clear, human thought:

_“Oh, my god. I’m hideous.”_

She roared a tiger-cry into the night, and felt a hole rip open inside herself.

 

* * *

 

“You’ve got passion.” A stern-faced man, around his 30s she reckoned, commented as Anju stood frozen still, panting quietly, posed in the last move of her dance routine. Not _hers_ , of course, just what she’d chosen to perform for the most terrifying audition she knew she would ever experience in her life. “I can tell you really love idols.”

 

“Thank you.” She managed to reply upon a short exhale, finally resuming a stiff standing position. Her anxiety felt like splints in her limbs, holding them almost painfully straight and rigid as she licked her dry, cracked lips in anticipation of whatever feedback she’d receive next.

 

“We’ll give your agent a call in a couple weeks.” He looked down to a pile of papers sitting atop the table in front of him, and the other stern-looking men and women did the same. Anju felt as if she might throw up. Was that good? Bad?

 

“Thank you.” She sputtered again, before leaning down in a full 90 degree bow, and briskly shuffling out of the white-walled room.

 

Upon exiting, Anju heaved a shaky sigh, fetching her phone from inside her bag. She swiped at the touch screen, her quivering thumb awkwardly sliding across its plane, accidentally opening the front-facing camera in its clumsiness. Much to her disgust, the 19 year old’s own face glared back at her. Her eyes were puffy and wet. Her face was red. It felt as if her own appearance was mocking her, and she swallowed down the rising lump in her throat as hard as she could before unlocking her phone and checking her messages and social media like clockwork, moving forward in a dissociated state like some sweaty, self-loathing and anxious ghost to the stairs she’d climbed up before.

 

The judge was correct in his observation about her passion, Anju noted as she scrolled through the twitter pages of various idols she’d had notifications on for. She only looked up from the screen as she reached the top of the stairs, where she was forcibly greeted with a female body crashing into her own.

 

“Uweah!!” The other girl yelped, almost comically, as she tipped backwards, catching herself on the railing along the staircase. Her phone clattered to the ground, and Anju flinched as she heard it collide with the hard floor, praying she hadn’t just inadvertently broken this stranger’s expensive smartphone with her own carelessness. Grimacing, Anju raised her eyes to get a look at her face, and assess the emotional damage she may have caused.

 

To her surprise, she was met with nothing but a massive, goofy smile. A million-watt grin and eyes crinkled into the most genuine, lively expression Anju thought she’d ever seen, or ever would see. The girl exploded into laughter, straightening herself back up and leaning down to retrieve her cellphone once more. Anju flinched.

 

“Um, I’m really sorry. I was super distracted… I was being really careless. Is your phone okay? I can pay for it.” The words fell from her mouth shakily.

 

After a moment of examination, the shorter girl shook her head briskly. “It’s all fine!! Look!” She thrust her device into Anju’s face. “No cracks.” She giggled, retracting her arm once more and stuffing it into her pocket. “You looked super super focused, though. You gotta be careful. These stairs are kinda steep.” She twisted her head back to glance at then before whipping back around, giving Anju another one of those wide, toothy grins, and Anju found herself staring for perhaps too long. Her hair was chin-length, light brown and slightly wavy. Selfishly, she found herself longing to touch it.

 

Anju coughed. “Right… I’ll be careful.”

 

The other girl nodded. “Yep!! Good idea.” With seemingly boundless energy, she leapt up the stairs. Side by side, Anju noted that she really was significantly shorter than her, and it wasn’t just the illusion the stairs gave. “I’ve got this crazy interview I gotta get to now.” She flashed a peace sign. “Wish me luck!” Anju nodded. “Be careful down the stairs!” She giggled before turning tail and trotting to the very same door Anju had just exited.

 

“Thanks…” She muttered quietly, still in a state of whiplash from the sheer energy she’d been pelted with. How could one tiny girl house so much intensity? The air she left behind smelled like dog, she noticed, and her nose twitched as she resumed her descent.

 

It wasn’t until she was at the train platform that the girl’s comment about some interview clicked in her brain. “Oh, her too…” Anju couldn’t help but mutter under her breath, a habit she’d had since she was young. From just the moment they’d interacted, she could tell this girl was cut out for idol-dom. She was overflowing with charisma and carefree spirit. “Cute, too.” She idly murmured as the train came throttling into the station, shaking her body and mind. She felt the empty cavern inside herself aching for something she couldn’t place, and bit her lip so hard it bled.  
  


* * *

 

 

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Anju swung her legs back and forth anxiously. This was it. This was the day she knew in her gut would change the course of her life. The morning sun seeped into her bedroom through the cracks between the shutters that covered the window, laying in stripes across her thighs, and her hands which clutched tightly at them.

 

_“You’ll have to do something about the scars, but I’m sure you can cover them up.” Anju nodded briskly, though she knew her agent couldn’t see her over the phone. “They want you to come in next week to meet the rest of the girls. I’ll email you the address.” She nodded again, gnawing at her tongue with her sharp canine teeth. “This is really big, Inami. But I know you’ll put that passion of yours to good use.”_

 

_The moment the call ended, Anju couldn’t stop the ugly, strangled sobs from escaping her throat. How could she possibly be an idol? She wasn’t cut out for this. She wasn’t pretty enough, or energetic enough, or positive enough. There were seemingly limitless factors working against her. Images of her inescapable animal form flashed through her mind, and she let out a deep groan from the bottom of her lungs._

 

Idly, she ran a finger across the scars on her hands. They were pink, shiny, and adorned her skin like stripes. She couldn’t even escape that part of herself in this form, she often thought to herself, as she balled her hands into fists once more.

 

No more time for self-loathing. She briskly shook her head and forced herself to her feet. If she didn’t leave now, she might miss the train. Plucking a banana from the kitchen table and stuffing it into her purse, Anju slipped her shoes on and left the house.

 

Maybe this would be it, she thought to herself as she briskly, mindlessly made her way to the train platform. Maybe this would be the thing to finally fill the hole she’d ripped in herself with angry tiger-claws.

 

“Ah.” Anju noticed she’d been spacing out while walking again, as the girl from before came to mind, reminding her to be more mindful. She gave a small smirk, exhaled thoughtfully, and braced herself for whatever the day would bring.


End file.
